How to Make Your Kids Not Hate You Part 1

Creative Commons Image via Flickr: Chexed

There are so many things you can do in your life but one of the most important ones is making sure that your children - whether adults or teenagers - will not hate you. 
Just a few weeks ago, I've read on an Internet forum somewhere about a man, who's asking how to pin his father for tax evasion. He's going "ultra" on his dad and really wants to send his old man to jail - purportedly for "not leaving them anything" and that he was doing it for his mom. 
Since he was asking publicly and since it was personal, I advised him to just forgive his dad, forget and move on with his life. It's his old man after all. 
I didn't mention that it was also in the ten commandments as well of the Christian bible "Honor thy father and thy mother" and it's somewhat in the Lord's Prayer - "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us" alternately - "forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"

I don't know what he did next.

As I ponder about this story, I scratched my chin and thought about what their parents did to them that made them really, really, really hate them. As a father of a soon to be teenager and four children, I am bracing myself for the most challenging phase of my career as a father.

I know that one day, success would bear fruit as loving and successful children and failure would mean, them hating me and not even wanting to see me. Their rebellion would probably mean them going against everything that I am and everything that I did all rolled in one little big ball of hate.

That's not a scenario anybody would like.

So, I guess that's criteria number one:

  1. Plan and work for your children's success in everything. It took me less than five seconds to type that down, but I believe that it would take me a lifetime more to glean the deep truth in it. Nobody holds the secrets to these things. I mean, it's hard enough for us to work for our own success, how much more for the success of actual people who are depending on us for their success. Man, it's no easy task and it's nothing that money can buy. I know some people who've sent their children to the best schools who end up becoming the worst people! 
For what it's worth, I guess time really is a factor here. Children don't just hate their parents in one single event - not unless it's really that catastrophic and abusive.

Right after birth, they rely on us 100% for everything, for their very survival and for their subsistence. Later on, they eventually glean the wisdom that they need us and that before they could ask us for anything - some conditions have to be met, some rules need to be followed as the family is and will always be a micro social system.

Parental Interference

Different children have different personalities and different tolerances for parental interference, adjust accordingly. I won't delve into all the tiny little details, but you'll know it when you're in that situation.

  • Don't interfere when they're doing well 
  • Learn a little about playing with words. 
  • Encourage but don't choke them
  • Reward, reward, reward
  • Fun is a good thing - both for you and the child
  • Most of all, live by example